Whether it be annoying douche dicks fucking around in the gym or some disgusting fat slob leaving his shit stained underwear laying around the locker room, we all have certain pet peeves that bother us in the gym. My personal list can go on and on, but for this I’m just going to focus on the most common gym problems. Perhaps you can related to some of these bothersome things.
1. The grunter.
I’m not some Planet Fitness douche who believes grunting is a sign that you are lifting so hard that the devil himself is trying to escape from the bowels of your body, and therefore grunting must be banished all together. I just find it rather distracting when I’m focusing on my set, and from across the room I hear the sounds of what I imagine to be a walrus being sexually violated by Kali Muscle. It’s usually some skinny rectal thermometer looking non lifter who is trying to get everyone in the gym to look at him while he curls the 25’s too. Nobody is impressed shit lick. Knock it off.
2. Sweat everywhere.
Back when I use to go to a shitty fitness center I would constantly have to wipe down the equipment before every use. I swear some people must feel like it is a privilege for others to have to bath in their sweat. Like, why are you sweating so much that there is a literal pool of your bodily fluids on the bench. It’s fucking gross.
3. Anything to do with the locker room and showers.
Flash back to my days at that awful fitness center and I’ll let you in on a little secret. Old men have absolutely no shame at all. They don’t care how close their saggy old balls are to grazing your face, nor do they care if you are being forced to stare down their cavernous brown cave. In the showers they will sing, leave bandaids from their weeping old man wounds lying around, clog up drains with soaking wet discolored towels, blow snot rockets everywhere, and piss and fart like they are sitting on a toilet. I’m still scarred from all of the awful things I’ve been witness to. No words can describe the horrors of a public gym locker room.
4. That fucking guy who just stares at you.
Seriously, who the hell is that guy? Every gym has that weirdo that will just watch you workout. He doesn’t really exercise. He always kind of looks like he’s about to talk to you but he never does. What the fuck is this person’s purpose in life? Just go away guy. I feel like after the third time you catch that guy looking at you, it should be perfectly legal to go over and choke slam him straight to hell.
5. The awful music on the radio.
Going to a public gym, chances are very good the music on the radio will be horrible. That’s why we have Ipods now. I go to a private gym now though and this is what annoys the hell out of me. When some fucks come in, turn the radio up so loud I can’t even hear my headphones, and the music they are blasting is either some golden oldies, do the twist type shit, or country. How the hell can you lift to that? Who gets pumped up from listening to Frank Sinatra crooning bitches and shit? I’m not hating on the music, but there is a time and place for that. And the palace of Iron is not it. Turn that crap down or put on some metal or something. Anything fast and angry will do.
6. Leaving weights lay around.
Re rack your weights. Don’t leave weird plate numbers on the machines. Like a 45 in front of a 10 and two 25’s. I shouldn’t have to spend my first ten minutes of training putting someone else’s weights away. I always make sure to leave the gym the same way it was when I came in, well assuming the gym was in proper order that is. We aren’t barbarians here and we sure as hell shouldn’t be so lazy, especially in the gym, that we cannot do something as simple as clean up after ourselves. If I were to ever catch some shithead leaving all his weights everywhere I would promptly Rock Bottom him through the dumbbell rack.
7. Slamming dumbbells on the floor.
I have dropped dumbbells on the floor many times. If you are incline pressing the 100’s or above, it’s safer for you to just drop the when you are done with your set than try to set them down gently. Drop them in a very controlled manner though. Not forcefully slam them on the damn ground like fucking He-Man slamming his cock meat into someone that’s probably not a woman. We have a sign in my gym about this because somebody bent the 75 lb dumbbells. Two of them! How hard do you have to be slamming them to bend the damn things? The ground at my gym is made for dropping weights on and yet some pickler fucker felt the need to throw the weights on the ground as hard as he possibly could. I hope that guy gets eyeball herpes.
8. Expensive outfits.
This just might be me, but I get really annoyed when I see someone at the gym wearing 400 dollars worth of clothing. Why would you want to wear such expensive stuff just to get them all sweaty? Either you are very rich, have endorsements from being a professional athlete, or the most likely scenario, you are there not to workout, but rather to hit on women. Save it for a nightclub, not the fitness club.
9. The guy who just gets in the way.
I can’t stand this. There is always one guy who just wants to sit on equipment, stand in the way, usually blocking equipment people want to use, and just talk and talk. Get the fuck out of the gym if you aren’t going to train. You are useless and wasting everyone’s time. If you really want to do something useful that isn’t working out, try stretching your penis until it can reach the back of your ass. That way you can properly go and fuck yourself.
10. Attention whores.
There are men who do this too, but I’m going to focus on women with this entry. I’ve witnessed countless women who show up to the gym wearing the tightest shorts, training bras, and like, glitter sprinkled all over their bodies. It immediately becomes very apparent what these girls goal is, and it’s not to exercise. They want to be seen. They want to take selfies. They want to have Caleb drown them in a pool of spooge. They want the D all in and around their mouths. Or that’s what their appearance, actions, and verbalizations would have you believe. No, all they want is the attention. And all that behavior makes me want to do is hire Ronda Rousey to go around and put these skanks in vicious arm bars.
I really could go on forever with this list, and I’m pretty sure I may have gotten a bit more personal with these entries than I set out to do. The point still remains, if you go to a gym where other people will be, have some common courtesy. It will save you the tombstone piledriver that you will deserve otherwise.
What pet peeves do you have when working out? What kind of gym behavior pisses you right off? I’d love to hear about it.