The Slimming and Toning System
Source: skymall.comIf it looks too good to be true, it’s probably the Slimming and Toning System. This two-piece creation, which includes a Vacuum Suction Cellulite Buster and Roller Massager, promises to redistribute your fat cells from the outside to reduce the appearance of cellulite. Sorry to all the fools who have been exercising to achieve the same results.
The Hawaii Chair
Source: gifsoup.omSince it’s kind of a drag to actually have to stand up when you exercise, the Hawaii Chair (or its spinoff, the Hula Chair) is designed to help you get rock hard abs and earn weird stares from your coworkers… all from the comfort of your own tush.
The Treadmill Bike
Source: bikeforest.comTo give proper credit to the Treadmill Bike, this machine actually does help you exercise. But being as most people use treadmills to get running when it’s not possible to do so outside, it’s hard to imagine why anyone wouldn’t just go for a normal jog instead of lugging this thing outdoors.
Source: giphy.comIt’s hard to think of an “As Seen On TV” product that is more iconic than the Shake Weight. Its claims to work the muscles in your arms were a bit overshadowed by the fact that it appears to help more in the area of bedroom-related activities.
The Free Flexor
Source: bodybuilding.comAs the Shakeweight’s less subtle cousin, the Free Flexor allegedly has the ability to tone your entire upper body. The fact that you look like you belong on an ad on the side of a porn webpage is just an added bonus.
The Europlate Vibraslim
Source: vibraslim-europlate.com”Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.” -your fat when you use this vibrating machine
The Bounce Back Chair
Source: bouncebackchairs.comThe Bounce Back Chair claims to deliver great rebound exercise without the risk that comes with jumping on a trampoline. While it’s probably a good way for the elderly and people with mobility problems to get moving, it’s unlikely that you’re going to get shredded by sitting in this thing all day.
The Neckline Slimmer
Source: pilotage.hkBy placing your chin on the Neckline Slimmer and making a nodding motion with your head, you’re supposedly on your way to getting rid of that double chin. But really, you’re probably just over-exercising your right to say “yes.”
The Gazelle Freestyle
Source: koldcast.tvWhen the treadmill feels too restricting, unleash your inner animal with the Gazelle Freestyle machine. No word yet if training on this thing actually prepares you for escaping from lions.
Source: ncmedical.comThe Bodyblade is great for building strength, improving cardiovascular health, and pretending to be Legolas without accidentally shooting someone.
Gliding Discs Exercise System
Source: barimd.comJust step on these patented discs and glide and slide your way to stronger legs, better balance, and the emergency room.
Beamfit Balance and Exercise Beam
Source: bebodysmart.comThis could be great for gymnasts who want to practice their moves without the risk that comes with trying them on an actual balance beam. The rest of us would just be paying $100 to walk in a straight line.
The Fitness Quest Leg Magic Ultra
Source: thechrista.comThe name for this device looks like an elderly person’s first attempt at using Google, and the product itself looks like something that nobody should ever attempt to use.
The Rock and Go Exerciser
Source: thechrista.comWhether you’re training to ride a horse or a sexy human, this contraption will help you look completely silly while achieving your goals.
Source: flickr.comYou could spend hours at the gym sculpting that perfect six-pack, or you could just let this device bore strange red lines into your beer belly.
Sit Fit Exercise Device
Source: gizmodiva.comGet one of these under your work desk to get toned calves and become “that weirdo” at the office.
The Face Trainer
Source: funnyjunk.comI don’t know about you, but my greatest fitness roadblock is that I still can’t do a sit-up with my nose. Thankfully, the Face Trainer is here to help.
2-Step Under-Desk Dancercise for Feet
Source: brookstone.comSometimes, you just gotta dance, and the Under-Desk Dancercise can help you express yourself through movement when the boss gets on your case for doing the cha-cha on your desk.
The Slendertone Bottom Toner
Source: isme.comThe company claims that you just strap this on and let the electric muscle stimulation sculpt you a killer rear end, but it’ll probably just make your butt itch.
Red Fitness XL System
Source: searsoutlet.comSome people are fine with paying $70 for what is essentially a rotating barstool with handles. Don’t be those people.