1. We take “OMG your thighs have gotten so big!” as a compliment.
Just call me Quadzilla.
2. We weigh more than before we started lifting, but we look slimmer.
3. And we actually get excited to see the number on the scale go up.
Mad gains, bro!
4. But tbh we’re not sure what we weigh any more, cos then we threw away our scales.
When you start training for strength, you stop obsessing over weight – unless it comes in iron plate form.
5. We look hot in skinny jeans, but getting our thighs into them is a struggle.
6. We eat more than ever.
Those muscles aren’t going to feed themselves, ya know.
7. And we actually prefer sweet potato chips to regular.
8. But we still count down to cheat day the way we used to count down to Christmas.
9. We look back on our cardio bunny days the way you look at Facebook photos from 2007.
What were you thinking?!
10. We schedule our week around Leg Day.
There will be no twerking the night after Leg Day. Or driving with clutch control. Or walking up stairs.
11. Our phones look like this in the morning.
12. We get up at an unholy time and torture our bodies for an hour at the gym…
…yet somehow still rock up to work with more energy than your previous lie-in and bucket of triple-shot latte ever gave you.
13. We have a smoking-hot bod but nobody to see it.
A gym rat’s lifestyle: not conducive to romance
14. We turn down a night at the pub for a hot date…
…with our trainer at 6am.
15. Our trainer knows more about us than some of our best mates.
Unless your best mate knows the circumference of your biceps, your body fat percentage, your resting heart rate, your entire vocabulary of grunts and groans, your deepest darkest desires, and how to give you a really great groin stretch.
16. We stop lusting over high heels and start going gooey for trainers.
17. Our wardrobe looks a lot like this.
18. Our girlfriends start asking to help them move house…
…and carry their shopping, and open jars.
19. While our guy friends find us ever so slightly intimidating.
(And we secretly love it.)
20. We’ve developed a gym face.
And it says, “Do not fuck with me.”
21. We’re exhausted, anti-social, and have a heap of laundry at the end of the week, but it’s totally worth it.
Because we feel happier with life and with ourselves than we ever thought possible.