After Halloween Workout

This may be posted a little bit late but I’m a busy man dammit! Anyway, going with the spirit of halloween, I wanted to create an article that’s just utterly SPOOKtacular. A lot of awful halloween puns and all that jazz. I’ve also come to the conclusion that many of my articles are full of vulgar language and filthy content, so I’ve decided to do a clean article for all of you good respectable folk. (Don’t worry, this won’t be a trend from me.) I was thinking of doing bodybuilding urban legends, or maybe great costumes for bodybuilders to wear, but both of those require research and I have beer to drink. So I’ve decided to write an article about an after halloween workout that is just to DIE for. The day or days after halloween can be tough for the hard party goer. You are hungover from booze and candy. You need something to get you back in the swing of things. Well I’ve got just the thing for you. A full body workout to jumpstart your lifting plan. Here you go ladies and GHOULS.

1. Get the BLOOD flowing.

SPOOKY VERSION: No workout begins without a good warmup. Without warming up, you could end up with a GRUESOME injury. So I suggest going to your nearest graveyard and doing SUICIDES between the tombstones. Make sure to CUT sharply and make some speedy maneuvers. After five sets, the real workout will start. Pro-tip! If there is a fresh grave, shoveling out the dirt is great for getting the heart pumping. If you dig deep enough, make sure to do some coffin presses.

NORMAL VERSION: Run on the treadmill for a few minutes. Then do a lightweight warm up set of each exercise you plan on doing. Nothing fancy.

2.Tri’s and DIES.

SPOOKY VERSION: No respectable bodybuilder would be caught DEAD walking around with little arms. What we are going to do is start this workout with some SKULLCRUSHERS. Simply go into your dank dungeon of murderous doom, and go to the skull wall. Start off small with some small animal skulls, crush them with your bare hands, then move on up until you reach the biggest skulls. You should really feel the BURN after four or five sets. Follow this is with some dumbbell curls. Some uh… SCARY dumbbell curls! Eh, I tried.

NORMAL VERSION: Perform one hundred reps of cable tricep pushdowns. Do a set of ten, randomly change the weight, without taking any break in between, do another set of ten and repeat this until you have reached a hundred total reps. This will completely blow your tri’s up in a good way. Do the exact same thing with standing bicep cable curls. You can repeat these for another 100 set of each if you can, but your arms should already be pumped to the max.

3. DEADlifts.

SPOOKY VERSION: Oh we are going to have some fun now. No real workout can be done without some good ol’ DEADS. Now I’m assuming you had the foresight to grab a stiff from the grave you dug up. You will need a fresh corpse for this exercise. Tie some straps around the

body and make sure to get into an open area. You want to do five sets of deadlifts, each set to failure.

NORMAL VERSION: Do exactly what I said before about deadlifts but minus the corpse. Corpse juice does not smell very good and most gyms ban the use of dead bodies for exercise. Make sure to keep the weight moderate but challenging.

4. SCARbell presses.

SPOOKY VERSION: Grab a pair of hatchets and attach them to the middle of a barbell. Then load as much weight as you can handle and proceed to bench press. If you fail to complete the lift, you will get a BLOODY surprise in the way of a hatchet to the face. Why would one do this you may ask. Well, I don’t really know. I just think a weight room set up with SAW traps would make for an awesome movie.

NORMAL VERSION: Perform three sets of moderate weight bench presses, three sets of incline presses, and three sets of flys. That should pump up your chest fairly well.

5. Squat RACK.

SPOOKY VERSION: Time to squat it out to end the workout. Go over to the squat rack, load up the bar as heavy as you can go, and squat until you can’t walk. It’s the king of leg exercises, it’s already scary enough without dumb puns or a stupid horror setup.

What was the point of this article? There really wasn’t one. I just figure most people are like me and spent halloween weekend boozing, eating bad food, and watching horror movies and or went to some parties. Which means your workout routine will be starting back up and being hungover makes for bad workouts. So this is just something you can quickly do to make sure you get back in the gym without overdoing things. Then your week can start back on a normal routine. Unless you work in retail or food service. In that case it will be going back to a GHASTLY affair! This was dumb I know, but I spent my saturday having an Evil Dead party which means I’m a bit hungover today. Expect great articles from me in the future. As always, get gains or DIE trying MUAHAHAHA!