I know who I’m going to call if a house ever falls on me. That would be 9-1-1 to get in contact with my local fire department. But if they didn’t answer or were tied up saving a pussy stuck in a tree, I’d call Elbrus Nigmatullin, a 41-year-old Russian strongman who is so strong that he has to literally move a fucking house to even get a pump these days. But according to his post-house-pull interview, Nigmatullin wasn’t always so cocksure about his ability to move the fully furnished domicile.
“When I first approached this house, I was only 30 percent sure that I could make something happen. But when the eyes are afraid, the legs keep on going,” Nigmatullin said after becoming the first person in the world to move a standing country cottage. The strongman now plans to head to Feodosia, where he will join an athlete from Crimea, Jamshid Ismatilaevym, in an attempt to pull a ship weighing some 1.5 tons. For his next feat of ridiculous strength, I’d like to see him try to move a house with a basement. You want to prove that you’re an unstoppable force, you rip a house right off its fucking foundation. Displace an entire family.